We are pleased to bring you the stirring prose of an anonymous contributor, performed by the finest Southwestern robot that money can buy.
The Ballad of the LC-MS
The Synod knew it’s time was short
Future members lost with each abort
And feminists shrieked and shrilled at the audacity of a man
Who told them “better to keep a home
And love five children til they’re grown”
And so it was that Synod hatched a plan
They’d reach out to the other folks
They’d pander and they’d blow some smoke
At each and ev’ry group might fill their pews
“It’s all about the Gospel, see?
We seek to win minorities!
We are reaching to the lost with the Good News!”
But some perceived, and quickly asked
“Is it really the Gospel’s task
To re-home third world denizens just next door?”
“We should evangelize abroad
Send missionaries the bush to trod
Rather than importing strangers by the score.”
“Nonsense!” the academics wailed
“What’s clear is this: that you have failed
To love your migrant neighbor as yourself.”
“We’ll bring them in, they’re Lutheran too
Maybe even moreso than you!
They have an annotated catechism on ev’ry shelf!”
And so it was that they became
An NGO in all but name
And sold their few posterity’s inheritance.
History won’t regard them kindly
So long as it isn’t written blindly
All will agree this saga just makes no sense.
If this sounds like pure fantasy to you, then please proceed directly to watching Larry Vogel present his 2023 Concordia Theological Symposium paper.